One Year Ago Today

One year ago today I began the most terrifying journey of my life. I went to the doctor for a (somewhat) routine ultrasound. Two minutes after beginning the ultrasound, the tech left the room and promptly came back with a doctor. He began telling me that the baby was measuring small, there was very low fluid around him, and the blood flow between myself and Nick was very low. He wanted to admit me to the hospital for some monitoring.

I was scared, but optimistic. I remember thinking, "Okay, I will go into the hospital a few day, everything will be fine, I will be home by the weekend."

Upon getting to the hospital, tests were done, I was put on a monitor and sent straight to labor and delivery. They immediately started giving me steroids to strengthen Nick's lungs in case he had to be delivered that day, or soon there after. I spoke with numerous ob/gyns, and they brought in a neonatologist to tell me what I could expect if he was delivered at 26 weeks. I remember hearing many scary words. At that point, I honestly thought, this conversation was useless, because I was not having him now.

I knew there was no way I was having him that day. I begged and pleaded silently with Nick to hold on. I prayed and prayed. I COULD NOT have him this day. See, 5 years ago tomorrow (the 20th), my father passed away suddenly. My grandfather passed away 3 days later. There was no way I was going to have a baby at 26 weeks, this week.

Through sheer will, and a lot of prayer, Nick held on. Sometimes I think he knew just how badly I didn't want to have him in November, so Dec. 1, he said, "Okay, here I come". Probably the only time in his life that I was more hard headed than him.

The next few weeks were a blur. I was in the hospital vacillating between a regular hospital room and a monitored labor and delivery bed. Sometimes, I would go down to L&D for a few hours, sometimes overnight. Finally one day after a week of this, I had an ultrasound that showed a worsening condition. I was sent to L&D permanently, and told that Nick would probably be delivered in the next 7 days. Again, meetings with neonatologists, and now they brought in anesthesiologists.

I became so close to my docs and nurses. They were all wonderful. They even offered to share their Thanksgiving meal with me. It was the most scary time in my life. I am thankful everyday that it turned out so well. There are many moms who don't have the same outcome.

It is still a hard thing for me to think about. I still get very emotional as I remember the hell that started on November 19th, and didn't end until March 21st when I was finally able to bring Nick home.

I can take comfort in the fact that I have a healthy, happy boy. He continues to be the absolute BEST thing that ever happened to me. I would do all of it all over again to have him. It was all worth it.