5 months

Dear Nick,

5 Months??!!! Have 5 months already passed. Just the other day I was looking at a video from the day I first got to hold you. My how small you were. At that point, I couldn't even imagine you as a 10lb baby. Back then, you were barely 2lbs. You were hooked up to a lot of machinery, and still in a very fragile state. I remember the first time I got to hold you. It was so bittersweet. I had this tiny delicate baby in my arms. It was the most wonderful, and scary experience of my life.

Finally, I get to hold you everyday. I get to witness all the wonderful things you do everyday. It has been an amazing gift to see you grow and change. You have changed so much in the month and a half you have been home. You seem to always wake up in a good mood. That is your most smiley time. You love to smile and coo at me when I talk to you. It seems like everyday brings more and more smiles. You can be such a happy baby!

There are times when you can show your temper, sometimes, seemingly for no reason at all. You can go from this:

to this:

and I am at a loss for why. I do know what will make you happy. Any time you cry, if I put you up on my shoulder and pat your back, it is instant calm. That is your favorite spot. You could and would stay there for hours if I let you. (Sometimes I let you stay there for hours and hours).

Right now, your swing is still your favorite spot to be, if not being held. Really, anything that moves it good for you. You hate being in your car seat, unless you are actually in the car and it is in motion. Unfortunately, red lights produce screaming fits sometimes, but once the car is moving again, you are usually content. I don't think I could get out of a ticket if I ran a red light, sorry buddy.

You aren't too sure you like your bath time yet. You don't cry, but you don't smile, or kick in the tub either. Once you get out of the tub, you are usually very happy. I love the way you smell when you get out of the bath.

Ms. Stacy watches you during the day while I am at work. She is a wonderful gift. She just loves you, as do her kids. They all dote on you all day long. It has been a blessing to find someone so loving to care for you during the day. Don't get me wrong, I hate leaving you with someone else. I remember the first day I dropped you off, I cried half way to work. I wasn't really expecting that reaction from myself. After all, I left you in the care of others for 3 1/2 months. The first day I dropped you off, you were asleep. I hated to think of you waking up and not knowing where you were, and with someone you really didn't know. You seem to do just fine though. You are happy with Ms. Stacy all day. Even better, Ms. Stacy is an Aggie! So between my brain washing ( you will know the fight song soon enough), Uncle Buddy, and Ms. Stacy, you are destined to be an Aggie. (If you decided to go to Harvard, Yale, or Rice, I would be okay with that, anything else may not be acceptable.)

Nick, I know that you are destined for great things. You were born to fly. I know you are going to be a strong willed and determined little boy. I could see that from day one. You put up such an amazing fight in your first few months of life. You can't do anything now but succeed. That strength and fight will carry you so far in life. I know that I will spend the rest of my life being proud of you.

The last month and a half has been the most tiring stressful time I think I have ever had. I know that more times like that will come. It has also been the most exciting, fulfilling, and blessed time I have ever experienced. What ever stress comes, I know that the blessings are 10 times more bountiful. Not having you home every day for the first few months has made me appreciate you every minute you are here... even at 2 in the morning. (Smiles at 2 am are always welcome!)

While I can't believe it has been 5 months already, I can't wait for the next chapters. I can't wait to see what you do next. I know that one day I will look back on this and wish to come back to this time. I know you will grow up far too quickly, but for now, I can't wait for you to witness life.

I pray every night that you have a blessed and happy life. Please know that I will do everything in my power to see that happen.

I love you little man.

Mommy